Public Warned Not To Approach Olympic Logo Designer

POLICE have issued an urgent warning to the public not to approach the designer of the London 2012 Olympic logo.

The logo has been quarantined and Olympic chairman Lord Coe is due to appear before magistrates later today charged with aiding and abetting the creation of a psychotic brand.

Chief Superintendent Bill MacKay said: “If you look closely at this logo you will see that it’s mental.

“The sharp edges, the disturbed use of colour and the crayons make me think this is the work of a Frenchman. But I suspect that’s all part of their game.

“We’re looking for someone who is outgoing, chatty and enjoys soap operas, pop music and setting fire to mice.”

London Mayor Ken Livingstone said the logo reminded him of his pet newts and made him want to have sex.

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Bush Unveils World's Biggest Car

PRESIDENT Bush has underlined his commitment to tackling climate change by unveiling the world's biggest car in Detroit.

The Chrysler IceCap is 14ft hight, 36ft long and seats three Americans.

It comes complete with KFC bucket holders and a chocolate-resistant coating on the dashboard.

The IceCap is powered by a 38 litre, V12 engine and achieves 400 yards to a gallon of petrol. The fuel tank is a 40ft trailer which is towed behind the vehicle.

The early promotional campaigns will be accompanied by the slogan "You can feel the water level rising".

The IceCap is the latest attempt by America to make a significant impact on climate change.

Over the next 12 months US companies will roll out the world's biggest patio heater, the world's biggest electric toothbrush and the world's biggest chainsaw.

At the official launch in Detroit, President Bush pointed to the IceCap and said: "Big car. Good. America."