Rugby league players consider dodging tackles

PIONEERING rugby league players may break with 119 years of tradition to avoid tackles instead of running straight into them.

Since the game was invented in 1895, every single player coming into possession of the ball has run directly into their nearest opponent.

Rugby league player Stephen Malley said: “My father and his father before him always ran straight into the opposition player for their whole lives, and it never hurt them. Well, not permanently.

“But what if instead of hurtling directly at a 16 stone man, I tried to run around him? Wouldn’t that maybe assist my bid to reach the try line?

“Of course in the cold light of day I never go through with it. I just run into the arms of an opponent, get roughed up a bit and pass the ball back through my legs.

“Maybe there are just some questions that us mortals will never know the answer to, such as why a drop goal is only worth one point and where St Helens is.”

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Gherkins outside London available for £150,000

THE £640m asking price of London’s Gherkin building is far more than Gherkins are fetching outside the capital.

Prices range from £65m for the Gherkin in the centre of Manchester to only £152,395 for the Gherkin in Doncaster, which locals cheekily call “the Spearhead Dildo”.

Estate agent Eleanor Shaw said: “Why people insist on paying London’s over-inflated prices when there’s a perfectly good Gherkin in King’s Lynn I’ll never know.

“It’s not as if eye-catching 41-storey office buildings with 48,000 square metres of office space are thin on the ground. Every city in the UK’s got one.

“But unless it’s got a fancy London address nobody’s interested and they end up, like Aberystwyth’s Gherkin, abandoned skeletal ruins occupied only by seabirds.”

Planning minister Brandon Lewis admitted: “The 105 Gherkins in the UK are, in truth, a few Gherkins too many.

“The Gherkin in the Devon village of Appledore has enough office space for every living thing in a 40-mile radius. And Hull doesn’t need six.”