Sterling’s sick note actually bank statement

LIVERPOOL star Raheem Sterling has presented the club with documentation of his bank balance to excuse his absence from training.

The England international believes the note, signed by two independent financial advisers, proves that he is suffering from a chronic condition adversely affecting his quality of life.

Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers said: “The anguish Raheem is in could not be more serious.

“According to this, his income and outgoings have been hooked up to beeping machines and the latter could outpace the former within weeks unless action is taken.

“The specialists recommend an infusion of £2.5 million for image rights, moving 35.2 miles inland and a prescription of regular Champions League football, which he’s suffering a dangerous deficiency of at the moment.”

Doctor Stephen Malley said: “For a man of Raheem’s age, weight and proven goalscoring ability to get by on as little as £35,000 per week is not recommended.

“To be safe I’d like to see his money dosage tripled before he returns to training.”