Twenty per cent of UK workforce on loan from Chelsea FC

ONE in five British workers are on loan to their current job from Chelsea FC, it has emerged. 

More than six million people remain locked into contracts signed under Guus Hiddink, Carlo Ancelotti, Andre Villas-Boas, Roberto Di Matteo, Rafa Benitez, or Jose Mourinho over the last seven years while effectively working full-time for different employers.

A Chelsea source said: “David Luiz made the press, but 428,999 of the other 429,000 deals we did on deadline day were immediately loaned back to employers ranging from bulk waste collection to publishing houses.

“Apart from an increase in salary to around £30,000 a week, most people find that signing for Chelsea doesn’t interfere with their daily routine at all.”

The signings, made to forestall interest from rival clubs, typically have the bulk of their wages paid by Chelsea with employers from Subway to KPMG making up the remaining 0.0005 per cent.

Julian Cooke said: “It was a real surprise when I got a call from Antonio Conte on transfer deadline day telling me I unfortunately didn’t feature in his plans this season.

“In all honesty I hadn’t expected to make the starting 11, mostly because I’m an accountant living in Devon, but I reckon I could’ve done a job in the League Cup.”