CHELSEA coach Luiz Felipe Scolari believes his team can win all three domestic trophies, the Champions League, University Challenge and Masterchef.
The Brazilian insisted his squad is strong enough to conquer Europe and, for the first time in its history, take the title of best amateur cook in Britain.
He said: "Frank Lampard has developed the most exquisite game terrine with cranberry jam.
"It will make all other food seem weak and badly organised. Let's just hope he doesn't fuck off to Inter Milan."
He added: "Deco has been working on a marinated rack of lamb in training. It'll get us through the regional heats but it still needs a lot of work."
Chelsea failed to win a trophy last season after finishing second to Manchester United in the Premier League and Europe, and then being edged out by Christ Church College Oxford in the final of University Challenge.
This season Scolari is expected to play Michael Ballack alongside Claudio Pizarro, combining the German's strength with science questions and the Peruvian's ability to identify any country just from looking at an outline.
The former Portugal coach said: "If the league schedule permits I'd love Ashley Cole to have a go at Mastermind.
"There is absolutely nothing that boy doesn't know about Rogers and Hammerstein."