Friday, 7th May 2021

Woman experiencing unfamiliar sensation of pretending to be proud of team she's really p*ssed off with

A WOMAN is suffering the alien sensation of claiming to be very proud of a national team she is actually very, very angry with. 

Susan Traherne is outwardly congratulating the England women’s team for their brave semi-final loss, but is inwardly bloody furious with the inept losers for letting her down.

She said: “I feel that they’re inspirational, that they’ve done a superb job of promoting the game, and that each and every one of them is a disgrace not fit to wear the f*cking shirt.

“Seriously, how hard is it to score a penalty? My nine-year-old niece could do it. But these buffoons are paid thousands a year and Steph Houghton blasts it straight down the middle?

“I’m putting a brave face on it and saying the girls did their best, nothing to be ashamed of, all that crap, but really I think they should be met by an angry mob at the airport and hang their heads in shame.

“Is this what it’s like supporting England? No wonder my husband spends every other summer numbing himself with drink.”