MANCHESTER United play rivals Manchester City in today’s FA Cup final, but would a shock win cause the magnetic poles to reverse and the dead to walk the earth?
Denys Finch Hatton, physicist: “The unlikelihood of a United win is up there with the discovery of the Higgs boson. I believe it would destroy reality and reverse time. But I said the same about Wimbledon beating Liverpool in 1988, and I was wrong then.”
Lucy Parry, electrical engineer: “It’s surpassingly unlikely, probably about 25 million to one. Or f**k all, compared to the chance of Ten Hag keeping his job.”
Susan Traherne, futurologist: “Imagine going back to 1999, when City were in the third tier and United winning the treble, trying to convince fans this was coming. Hilarious. I might do that instead of killing Hitler.”
Bill McKay, cab driver: “I still reckon Chelsea might win it. People are writing them off because they got knocked out in the third round but they could surprise you.”
Oli O’Connor, spade designer: “Doesn’t really matter to me. Or to the footballers playing in the match itself.”
