THE England team has reminded viewers ahead of tonight’s match that they hear every word of the support and advice screamed at your TV.
Harry Maguire confirmed that every time a fan screams ‘make a through pass you useless f**k’ at their television, the team receives the message loud and clear and endeavors to follow their instructions.
He continued: “Everyone thinks we’ve got this far because we’re staying humble and taking it one game at a time. Nah. We’re just putting the fans’ hollered advice into action.
“I only scored against Ukraine because Tom Logan of Plymouth screeched ‘take a shot you useless f**king cock’ into his 55” OLED, and I obeyed. If he hadn’t I probably would’ve passed it back to Sterling, like a coward.”
Manager Gareth Southgate agreed: “I feel like a bit of a fraud to be honest. During every pre-match huddle I just ask the boys to keep their ears open and do as the baying public orders.
“Everyone thinks I’m some sort of modest genius but I haven’t got a clue really. So please, I’m begging you, roar your inexperienced suggestions at your TV sets this evening. We’re relying on you.”