Which zany London Marathon outfit are you desperately hoping will get you on telly?

YOU’LL never get on TV by actually winning the Marathon, so try getting the BBC’s attention with one of these wacky costumes instead:

Cartoon character

Dressing up in a heavy costume as Mickey Mouse, Peppa Pig or the poo emoji and running 26 miles will be a hot and horrible experience but you’re pretty much guaranteed a spot on the TV coverage for at least 1.7 seconds. Is it worth it? Depends how much the costume shop charges you for extra cleaning after you return it reeking of sweat.

London landmark

Play up to the thousands of people lining the route by dressing as Big Ben, a London bus or a red phone box. Tourists will love it and give you a big cheer as you pass, but serious runners already in a temper due to their chafed nipples will swear viciously as they attempt to avoid you lumbering clumsily all over the road.

Edgy charity costume

Running the marathon for charity is an admirable thing, but every f**ker’s doing that, so make yourself stand out with a costume that represents the good cause you support. This works especially well if you turn up dressed as a pair of bollocks or a boob in aid of cancer, as the bored camera person will single you out and give you plenty of airtime.

TV or film character

Fancy running for five hours dressed as Bagpuss, the Joker or a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? Now is your opportunity. Just make sure you’ve chosen an outfit that’s easy to get off, as having to complete the race after you’ve attempted a Paula Radcliffe-style toilet stop in a Mr Blobby costume won’t be much fun.

Running partner duo

It’ll be such a laugh doing this with a mate, you think, clambering into the four-legged camel costume and setting off. However, differing running speeds, limited visibility and someone stepping on your heels every three seconds will soon make you want to rip the costume off and punch them in the face. Which will definitely get you on TV.

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Man who didn't mix drinks baffled to be hungover after nine pints

A MAN who wisely decided not to mix his drinks on a night out cannot understand how he ended up so devastatingly hungover.

Tom Logan, 46, is furious that, despite only consuming beer until 4am, he still woke up feeling as if his head was full of fox shit and broken glass.

Logan said: “Sticking to one type of drink guarantees you won’t get a hangover. That’s immutable wisdom which has been passed down through many generations.

“Yet somehow, after necking over a gallon of Staropramen and only having four hours sleep, my body felt like it was going to go into multiple organ failure when I tried to get out of bed this morning. That’s just not right.

“It’s not like I supplemented my pints with a couple of shots of tequila, or went totally crazy and ordered a cocktail. I’m not a young man any more, and I know my limits.

“The only thing I can think of is that one of the many, many pints I drank must have been bad. That’s literally the only explanation for me having to spend the whole day wishing I was dead.”