Winner-stays-on pool champion dies at his post after 30 years of back-to-back victories

STILL longing for a worthy opponent, the undisputed champion of winner-stays-on pool has died at the table after 30 years of victories.

Wayne Hayes began his winning streak during a post-work trip to his local pub in 1993 and has since played back‑to‑back frames against thousands of challengers.

Landlord Roy Hobbs said: “For three decades, this hero survived on pints of Tetley’s bitter and bags of scampi fries.

“His wife was desperate to have him home and conducted a nationwide search to find someone capable of defeating him. But even professional pool players could not beat Wayne on his home baize.

“There was a glimmer of hope in 2011 when he missed a difficult kiss shot into the middle pocket and sunk the cue ball. He came back from the foul to clear, but you could tell he was actually gutted as he’d caught a glimpse of freedom.

“Still, the rules are the rules, and Wayne would happily have taken a pool cue to the head of anyone who tried to kick him off before he had lost. God rest his soul.”

The pub has asked a local couple who placed a 20p coin on the edge of the table in 1993 to please come forward as it is their turn, but warned them that, due to inflation, a game now costs a pound.

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It's true, I work evenings in Sainsbury's, says Kate

PRINCESS Kate has confirmed that, as a new book claims, she is indeed only a part-time royal and works evenings in Sainsbury’s.

Showing off her toned legs to the president of South Korea and playing wheelchair rugby is merely a side gig for the Princess of Wales, who spends most of her evenings stacking shelves in the supermarket on Penarth road.

She said: “It’s less glamorous than royal duties but it helps to pay the bills. Plus I get a 10 per cent staff discount.

“Once I’ve finished cutting ribbons and getting my picture taken for the papers, I hop into an Uber and head to what King Charles jokingly calls my ‘real job’, the cheeky sod.

“Sometimes people recognise me or notice my name badge, and I have to pretend to be someone else and laugh it off like ‘could you imagine?’ Then we have a good bitch about Meghan for five minutes or until I need to verify an age-related sale.

“More of us moonlight than you think. William is a rider for Deliveroo, and even Anne does the odd shift in Sports Direct. She likes the big mugs.”

Royalist Susan Traherne said: “Oh my God, Kate looks so good in that maroon and orange Sainsbury’s uniform. Anyone know where I can get one?”