A BRISTOL stoner possesses the uncanny skill of being able to turn any object he encounters into a bong.
Skunk enthusiast Jordan Gardner, aged 24, is able to improvise an entirely functional bong from any inanimate object in seconds, whether it is a pepper mill, a VHS cassette or an ornamental statuette of a rearing horse.
Acquaintance Lucy Parry said: “Jordan’s not good at much. He’s lost every job he’s ever had and he’s the worst DJ I’ve ever heard. But when it comes to bongs, he’s Isambard Kingdom Brunel.
“Give him a bag of weed and a melon, and within seconds it’s a professional smoking set-up to delight even Snoop Dogg. He sees smoking potential the rest of the world is blind to.”
Former boss Tom Logan agreed: “One time a customer left their bicycle helmet under a table. Within five minutes Jordan turned it into a sort of head-mounted hot-box.
“When the customer came to get it back, she was more impressed than annoyed. I think she said he was like a ‘stoned McGyver’. Even as I fired him I was shaking my head in reluctant admiration.”
Gardner said: “It’s like, only our limited consciousness and like, social conditioning, that prevents everyone from looking at a sandal, Toyota Yaris or Clifton suspension bridge and realising you could smoke through it. You just need to open your mind to the bong possibilities of the universe.”