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Ofcom to clamp down on cowboy graffiti artists

INDEPENDENT regulator Ofcom has outlined plans to protect the public from the work of cowboy graffiti artists after record complaints about the standard of British vandalism.

Under the new regulations, work carried out on ‘tags’, ‘pieces’ and ‘throw-up’s’ must be completed properly in two or more vibrant colours and contain a word which must be vaguely legible.

The measures will also ensure that all messages written in toilets offering bespoke sexual favours are stamped as ‘genuine’ or ‘fake’ by a mobile certification unit.

Newsagent Stephen Malley, described his experience of cowboy defilement: “We’d heard that a tagging crew were active in the area so we fitted a pull down shutter to the front of the shop, expecting some exciting ‘Wildstyle’ graffiti or at least an edgy stencil.  

“What we actually got was a massive cock and balls scrawled in non permanent ink.  The cock had been rushed and was barely recognisable.  It’s a disgrace.”

An Ofcom spokesman said the economic downturn had caused a trend towards lackluster defacement.

He added: “Spray paints are expensive so the cowboys have been using cheaper alternatives like chalk or Silly String.

“I was at a train station where someone had done a ‘chad’ using men’s deodorant. If it wasn’t for the strong smell of Java I wouldn’t have noticed it at all.”

Persistent offenders have been warned they could be excluded from prized public areas and be forced to coat the stairwells of public car parks with urine and racial obscenity.