Larry the Cat named best inhabitant of Number 10 in 21st Century

LARRY the Cat is the only inhabitant of Downing Street to have done a good job this century, it has been confirmed.

Larry, who does everything he is asked by catching an average of two mice a week, has yet to plunge the country into disarray, start a disastrous war or drive the economy into a tree.

Larry said: “I just show up and do my job. No fuss, no bother.

“I think one advantage I have is that I lick my own bum rather than having other people do it for me. It keeps me grounded.”

He added: “I’ve no plans to run for the top job myself. People say that politics attracts unprincipled psychopaths and as a cat I just wouldn’t fit in. I’m too nice.”

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Security guard has seen every Steven Seagal film

A SUPERMARKET security guard has seen every single Steven Seagal film and many twice.

Roy Hobbs, an employee of Tesco Extra in Bedford, enjoys chatting to anyone who has seen a Seagal vehicle but never meets any who has seen as many as him.

He said: “Everyone’s seen Under Siege, obviously. It’s an acknowledged classic like Eraser or Over The Top.

“But Seagal’s a surprisingly versatile actor. He’s been an oil-drilling specialist, an environment protection agent, an immunologist, and an alcoholic former cop forced to work as a hitman.

“I’ve had lots of different jobs, so I can identify with that.”

Co-worker Wayne Hayes said: “The thing is, I’ve seen one Steven Seagal film and that kind of counts as them all.”