I am shocked and disappointed to learn that I’m not invited to Prince George’s christening later this month. Apparently it’s going to be a very intimate affair, and I’m not the only one to be snubbed, but you’d assume a top horsewoman like myself would be first on the list. Obviously Kate and William are still kicking themselves for choosing George for a name instead of something more befitting of a future king, for example Jett Riviera.
Don’t worry, the only parties worth attending are those to which you haven’t been invited. All it takes is for one middle-class twerp to post details of her Barbie-themed sleepover on Facebook and next thing you know, you and half the town is spilling Ribena all over a white cashmere sofa and treading Frazzles into the carpet. Although you’ll probably not get a look-in at pass the parcel and the jelly and ice cream will be in short supply, you’ll still have plenty of fun writing rude words on the kitchen cupboards with a Sharpie.
Hope that helps!