Katie is a competent horsewoman with huge breasts

Dear Holly,

It may be coincidence; it may be fate, but I notice that Katie Price has become single again at the same time as me. As far as I can see she is a competent horsewoman, an expert business person and has massive jugs to boot. Who cares if she is awfully vulgar? Should I give her a call anyway? 

Prince Harry 


Dear Harry,

Just be careful. Whilst people often say that opposites attract, sometimes we need to be mindful of extreme differences. That’s the lesson my granny learned when she got a kitten to keep her dog Bilko company. Granny was hoping it would turn out like The Incredible Journey; unfortunately it ended up being more like Deliverance. Poor Tootles just wanted a quiet life, but that was never going to be possible with an overly affectionate Yorkshire Terrier in the vicinity. Thankfully, Tootles is completely healed now and living with a nice goldfish who respects his personal space.

Hope that helps!


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Liverpool regret leaving Crystal Palace game early to beat traffic

BRENDAN Rodgers has admitted that allowing his team to leave Selhurst Park after 79 minutes to avoid traffic was a mistake.

Liverpool manager Rodgers made the decision when his men appeared to be on top with a 3-0 lead, but things swiftly turned around after they left.

Rodgers said: “In hindsight it was an error to withdraw my side in a bid to get a smooth run up the M1.

“But it can be a nightmare getting out of south London, especially when there’s football on.”

Palace visibly grew in confidence and enjoyed the majority of possession in the last 11 minutes, regularly finding space on the otherwise empty pitch.

Rogers admitted: “When we put the radio on and heard Palace had pulled it back to 3-2, I sensed we might be in trouble.

“It’s amazing how powerless you feel as a manager sometimes, especially when you’re at Newport Pagnell Services queuing to buy a Twix.”