THE government has announced a switch to montage-based training like in Rocky and The Karate Kid.
Montage training takes around three minutes and involves doing a number of vigorous activities to a soundtrack of anthemic rock.
A spokesman for the Department of Work and Pensions said: “It takes nine weeks to train an RAF airman before they’re even allowed near a plane.
“But with montage training, they can be in the air doing a barrel roll by the key-change of Westlife’s Flying Without Wings.”
Legal clerk Eleanor Shaw said: I was dreading my diversity training, even though you get a free sandwich buffet.
But no sooner had it begun than I was high-fiving and building a water-powered rocket with a multicultural team to Ebony and Ivory, ending up with my arm around Vishala from customer relations.
But graduate Tom Logan opposes the policy: They say university is the best three years of your life, but for me it was over in the duration of Alice Coopers Schools Out.
In the montage I pulled all-night essay sessions, got drunk while arguing about philosophy in the college bar and ran across the quad wearing nothing but a mortar board.
I now have a degree in gender studies and debts of £60,000.