My husband thinks it is acceptable to fart in bed and then waft the covers over my head. My best friend says that this counts as common law assault and I can have him arrested. Is this right?
Theres no excuse for domestic abuse, or any form of abuse for that matter. You should take a leaf out of the adorable Harry Styless book. There may come a day where youre cruelly assaulted on stage by a pack of shoe-wielding Glaswegian savages, and when that time comes you just need to pick yourself up, crack a winning smile and keep going with your shit harmonies. Harry might have the face and hair of an angel, but his groin is impenetrable by Primark stilettos – mainly because his testes have yet to descend. And he needs to be tough because there’s a rumour going round school that Frankie Cocozza plans to kill him by giving him syphilis, then sell the story to Heat magazine.
Hope that helps!