For sale: Luxury Shard apartments representing everything wrong with world
THIS is your chance to live in a massive steel penis like something out of a depressing science fiction film.
Following a lack of popular demand, we are proud to re-offer these soulless megaluxe dwellings that would suit truly the worst people on earth.
The accommodation is arranged in three-story duplexes with wipe-clean surfaces that are perfect for removing DNA evidence.
This is your chance to gaze out over London and its ant-like poor and say ‘mine, all mine’, before retreating to your vast sterile bedroom and enjoying another night of those terrible dreams about being chased through a forest by wolves with childrens’ faces.
Spacious bathrooms give you ample room to curl up naked on the floor and weep, wracked with guilt about whatever you did to earn your obscene wealth.
All in all, a unique opportunity to live in something that should never have been created, alongside a high-end bunch of deeply disturbed bastards.
Price: On Application/Your soul
Contact: Satan or his emissaries