Hello everyone, it’s Jesus, best known for starting Christmas and looking like Dave Grohl.
Much like Dave Grohl, I have a number of side projects on the go, of which Easter is my personal favourite because I love chocolate.
You simply cannot beat it, especially when moulded into an ovoid shape then packaged in a colourful laminated box.
Sadly however, my parables about which chocolate eggs to purchase were not included in the Gospels. So here goes:
Thornton’s Continental Egg
“Little children, keep yourself from false idols,” John the Baptist used to say, and those words are most apposite when it comes to this egg. For though it has the aura of the divine, is decorated all fancy and comes with truffles, it must always be remembered that Thornton’s chocolate tastes a bit weird.
Milky Bar Egg
Because I have two fathers, the Lord Almighty and the Holy Ghost, I always get two eggs at Easter. But while God gets me a celestial egg with infinitely delicious chocolate, the Holy Ghost always gives me a white chocolate egg to be ‘different’, no matter how often I explain that it’s an abomination, much like the remake of The Wicker Man.
Smarties Mug Egg
The foolish who will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven think an egg with a mug is better value. But I speak truly when I say that mug will soon be abandoned at the back of the cupboard, where God’s glory shines no light.
Yorkie Digger Egg
This egg is most pleasing to my sight because of the cool yellow digger box it comes in. But just as Ecclesiastes 10:8 says, whoever digs a pit may fall into it, and so the seductiveness of the digger may blind the faithful to the truth that Yorkies once had six chunks but now they only have five. Oh, and the registration plate on the digger doesn’t say EGG4U like it used to.