A CHILD has ruined her family’s magical Christmas trip by carrying out a detailed analysis of the texture of Santa’s beard.
Grace Wood-Morris also asked probing questions about why Santa’s ginger eyebrows didn’t match his white facial hair, and why the elves had such a strong resemblance to pissed-off, overworked retail assistants.
Grace’s mum Sarah said: “Most kids just look at the twinkly lights and fat old man and are happy. However, Grace went full Miss Marple and started interrogating him about why the world’s busiest present deliverer would waste four hours hanging around in a Dobbies in Leicester.
“She didn’t bother saying what she wanted for Christmas, but got on with asking him exactly which countries he flew over to get here from the North Pole, like a particularly dogged police detective. She even asked her dad to take notes on his phone when she thought he was being inconsistent.
“However, the upside is that she’s realised he isn’t real. This means we won’t have to make elaborate excuses for why Santa couldn’t get the latest Paw Patrol toy and can just tell her it was sold out at Argos.”