Tuesday, 21st January 2020

Entire office poised to quit once Christmas bonus is paid

THE entire workforce of an office is poised to resign the second their Christmas bonus is paid, it has emerged.

Employees have all typed up their notices, saved their resignation emails to drafts, and are on standby to hit send as soon as the funds appear in their accounts.

Office drone Donna Sheridan said: “At first I thought I was the only one to have hatched this genius plan. But then I started talking to accounts and marketing, and I realised we were all at it.

“It’s going to be like rats fleeing a sinking ship when payday rolls around. I almost feel sorry for our boss, even if he’s shouted at us like particularly incompetent slaves for the last few years.”

Managing director Norman Steele said: “The promise of a Christmas bonus is a tried-and-tested way for managers to hold employees hostage in depressing dead-end jobs.

“However in this case the joke’s on them because I’m leaving on payday too. That’s after I’ve sent a company-wide email informing them they’ve all been dismissed without pay.”