BRITAIN’S occasional smokers have set out how they intend to annoy the hell out of proper smokers during the festive season.
Casual smokers will be using a variety of techniques such as asking for just one cigarette then scrounging fags off someone all night and pocketing your lighter.
Part-time smoker Martin Bishop said: “I only smoke when I’m pretty drunk and at Christmas, so by some weird logic that means I can scrounge at least a fiver’s-worth of fags off people.
“I won’t be buying a packet, despite puffing away happily all night. Instead I’ll make a note of who’s got fags and keep following them outside for a smoke, like a mild form of stalking.
“To emphasise how I’m wasting your money I’ll take just two or three drags and put it out much too early. I’ll also annoyingly mention how glad I am that I don’t really smoke.”
Fellow occasional smoker Emma Bradford said: “Nothing says ‘part-time festive smoker’ like lighting the filter end and puffing away for a good minute before realising, which is what I’ll be doing.
“Then I’ll ask you for another one. It is the season for giving after all.”