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Measles increasing among children of total and utter bloody morons

Bad man not shot in face

Smart money investing in stupid hats

Cash machines to feature Gwyneth Paltrow going on and on about Africa

Abramovich begins search for new person who must win every match or be fed to leopards

Britain overtakes Somalia as Bafta handed to tawdry Essex shitfest

Wayne Rooney is young, working class man, say experts

Sorry Queen offers to return Wogan

Cheaper to kill brown people than feed them, says Fox

Huhne says ex-wife is biggest liar since No to AV Campaign