Couple doing almost-dry January by only drinking what's left

A COUPLE are doing their own version of dry January by only drinking leftover Christmas alcohol.

Tom and Felicia Booker have agreed to drink less following a more than usually merry festive season, but also that they can hardly be teetotal with all this booze in the house.

Felicia said: “How can you be sober when there’s an inch of Bombay Sapphire winking at you? The responsible thing to do is get it drunk.

“We over-ordered on Bailey’s, there’s a full litre left, and we’ve got a bottle of champagne, the dregs of six bottles of spirits and four cans of Red Stripe his brother brought over and ignored.

“You can’t really call that drinking. Even if you add in the whisky tasting set he got and my flavoured vodkas, and the liqueurs, and I forgot that other bottle of Prosecco.

“Anyway we’ll clear all that tonight and wake up ready for our new sober lives tomorrow morning. Maybe we’ll go out for a 7am run.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

S Club Allstars, and other acts only still going to pay off the mortgage

EVERYONE has to pay the bills, even ex-celebrities. Here are some acts who are only still in it to make ends meet.


Rednex are a Swedish band that made an unlikely success of mixing American country music with Eurodance, which says more about the weirdness of the 90s than the quality of their music. They are still on the road, belting out ‘Cotton Eye Joe’ to nostalgic 40-year-olds and, given there are now ten members of the band, presumably making a pittance.

S Club Allstars

Not so much a pop group as a financial aid programme for struggling former members of S Club 7 and S Club Juniors. If Paul Cattermole needs to pay off the loan for his conservatory extension, he’ll do a stint. If Jo O’Meara wants some lip fillers, she’ll join in a club appearance. It’s basically a payday loans company that does poor quality renditions of ‘S Club Party’.

The Cheeky Girls

The career trajectory of these twins reads like a fever dream, including a baffling appearance on Popstars, inexplicable chart success, shagging Lembit Opik and ending up working in a car dealership. They recently released a dreadful comeback single, which just went to show that their talents lie in flogging Hyundais rather than making music.


The name makes them sound like a 90s gay chatline but this band is actually the project of two of the most forgettable members of Boyzone and Westlife, Keith Duffy and Brian McFadden. Wearing leather jackets and sporting long hair, they look exactly like what they are: a mid-life crisis come to life.


When they were a musical act, the only talents Jedward had were being identical and having tall hair. However, they have recently reinvented themselves as woke, outspoken Twitter personalities and have more than half a million followers, which is presumably a lot more people than ever bought one of their records.