Monday, 6th July 2020

Man given glass of wine at 1pm has no option now but to keep drinking

A MAN given a glass of white wine at 1pm has been left with no choice but to continue drinking until nightfall. 

Tom Logan was unexpectedly handed the large glass of Chardonnay at a friend’s house and for politeness’s sake was forced to drain it, ask for another and commit himself to a ten-hour alcohol binge.

He said: “It’s sunny, it’s hot and if I stop drinking now I’ll be crippled with a massive, thumping early-evening hangover that won’t fade until it’s time to go to bed, so I guess I’m in it for the long haul.

“It’s kind of a shame. I had plans for today. I wanted to watch a movie tonight, but no way will I be able to focus on moving images on a screen by 9pm. The very thought.

“On the other hand nor will I be able to get solidly pissed at any point, because once I’m steadying myself against furniture then I’ll have to ease off and after that comes consequences, so I’m walking a booze tightrope until sundown.

“All-day drinking is a marathon, not a sprint. I’ve got to keep myself nicely lubricated, get in enough alcohol to make it through the evening, fit a meal in at some point and reach the finish line.

“Christ it’s going to be hard. It’s a good thing I’ll be drunk.”