500,000 Game of Thrones fans sign petition demanding cuddle from mummy

HALF a million Game of Thrones fans have signed a petition demanding a special cuddle and an assurance that mummy loves them.

While the vast majority of viewers have enjoyed watching the show’s final series, a significant minority are clamouring to be allowed to snuggle up with their favourite teddy.

Removing his thumb from his mouth and gesturing with his blankie, Stephen Malley said: “It’s not fair. I want a cuddle from mother and I want one now. And I must have my warm milk before bed. But not too soon before, or you know what happens.”

From behind her folded arms, Nikki Hollis said: “We demand that we all get our hair ruffled and a great big hug from mummy. And anyway, I’m not talking to you.”

The same 500,000 thousand people have also signed a letter stating that if Robert Pattinson is cast in the next Batman film they will hold their breath until they pass out.

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Colleges offer Level 5 NVQ in changing a duvet cover

COLLEGES keen to equip students with key life skills are introducing a National Vocational Qualification in putting a cover on a duvet.

The two-year course will combine theory and practice, comparing the major schools of thought in duvet-changing, from British single to European super-king.

Modules include ‘turning it inside out’, ‘just shove the bastard in there’ and ‘plumping the fuck out of it’.

Lecturer Norman Steele said: “More than 80 percent of Britain’s 18 to 40 year-olds have become trapped in duvet covers and end up sobbing quietly like a sad, chunky ghost.

“One of our 19-year-old students lost his mum, when she got stuck inside a tricky corner and had a nervous breakdown.

“He never forgave himself, because it was his SpongeBob set.”