Anger as Thatcher depicted without her fangs

A CAMPAIGN has been launched to boycott the new Margaret Thatcher biopic after producers omitted the former prime minister’s trademark fangs.

Instead Oscar-winner Meryl Streep portrays Thatcher as a relatively normal looking woman without the four-inch long upper canines that she often used to gouge massive holes in innocent nurses.

Tom Logan, a grade seven Guardian reader from Finsbury Park, is organising a nationwide boycott of The Iron Lady and has urged people to compare the film to Hitler.

He said: “I sat there for two hours, waiting patiently for her to kill a midwife and eat it. It’s the sort of blatant historical revisionism we’ve come to expect from the same people who brought us Mamma Mia.

“I used to like Meryl Streep, but now I’m calling for her to be sacked from everything.”

Helen Archer, a full-time Unison official from Stevenage, said: “At the end I stood up and started shouting ‘shame, shame’. No-one joined in because they were even more shocked and angry than I was. But at east they portrayed Dennis as a horrible racist, so I’ll give it two out of five.”

Meanwhile, the film has also been attacked by supporters of the former Tory leader who claim it suggests she is no longer prime minister while also depicting her as being so old that it raises the possibility she might eventually die.

Former chancellor, Norman Lamont, said: “There’s one scene where she’s talking to Dennis but he’s not there, because he’s dead. So if he’s not there then she can’t be talking to him which means they’re claiming she was wrong.”

And former transport secretary, Cecil Parkinson, added: “She’s still as sharp as a tack. And to prove it she pushed this tack into the back of my hand.”


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Osborne helps by saying France is about to explode

GEORGE Osborne has helped to ease the financial crisis by pointing at France and shouting a lot.

The chancellor insisted he did not want to worry anyone but he had heard that everyone living in France would be dead by tomorrow morning.

He said: “It is crucially important that in the midst of this turmoil we all keep a level head. Unless you have any money invested in France, in which case you must be a complete psychopath.

“If I was French I would probably just commit suicide and stop wasting everyone’s time.”

He added: “Everything in Britain is absolutely fine because our economy is based on financial services, unlike the French with their giant, lazy car companies, their pathetically enormous tourism industry and some silly little thing called ‘EDF’ which has nothing better to do than go around owning all of Britain’s nuclear power stations.

“So, if you happen to be a bond trader then I wouldn’t waste your time poring over Britain’s long term economic prospects because, as I have explained in some detail, we are all going to be very wealthy indeed.

“Instead, why not bring France its knees and then celebrate with a bottle of that ghastly stuff they produce more of than anyone less?

“Meanwhile, I and the rest of the government will focus all our energies on making sure Britain once again leads the world in payment protection insurance.”