Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Britain urging Bake Off cast to launch coup d’etat

HAVING seen its adept handling of complex and uncertain tasks like making Battenberg cakes, the Bake Off team has been urged to immediately depose the UK government.

Fan Tom Logan said: “We need strong leaders, people who can act decisively on important issues, such as what to do when a tray of pineapple upside-down cakes is unexpectedly chucked on the floor.

“Paul Hollywood will take over from Priti Patel and be embraced by the public for his comparative warmth and approachability.

“Noel Fielding will be the new Dominic Cummings and, rather than being universally hated, will disarm political opponents with surreal commentary about wombats and cream puffs.

“Prue Leith will become Chief Medical Officer, because she has the right kind of firm headteacher vibe that the UK needs. If Prue says cream soda doesn’t belong in a cake and the pubs shut at 10pm, we’re listening.

“That crew can bring a collapsed Matcha soufflé back from the brink. Now we need them to do the same for the UK.”