Child's Play, and other 18-rated movies you deeply regret watching too young

YOU stupidly thought you could cope with 18 films at 12 years old. Here are the ones you sneakily watched that traumatised you for life:


The modern remake was pretty creepy, but the original Pennywise was truly horrifying. ‘What could be scary about a clown?’ you thought as the credits started. A lot, it turns out. Within 20 minutes you were terrified of both clowns and public sewerage systems and the combination of the two.

Child’s Play

Everyone at school was whispering feverishly about their fear of Chucky, but you weren’t about to be scared of a stupid doll. So you convinced your babysitter to let you stay up and watch it, then spent the next three months unable to sleep alone in a room and got a new babysitter.

The Exorcist

Having borrowed the VHS off a friend’s brother, you thought you could go toe-to-toe with ‘the scariest movie ever made’. However, between the snarling possessed demon girl projectile vomiting onto a priest and her head spinning around like an infinite owl, you realised that you were a namby-pamby chicken, switched it off, and hid the video in the airing cupboard.


If you rewatch Alien now, you’ll find the special effects laughable. However, at the time the sight of the alien baby bursting through John Hurt’s stomach nearly made you piss yourself. For the next few months your nighttime routine involved checking the wardrobe for large-jawed, drooling space monsters and checking your face for face huggers.

Terminator 2: Judgement Day

You’d seen Robocop and reckoned you could handle metal machines killing each other, no worries. However, you hadn’t realised that Terminator 2 featured a terrifyingly realistic nuclear explosion scene, complete with charred limbs exploding into ash in the shockwave. Quite frankly that was keeping it rather too real for a fun summer blockbuster with a Guns N Roses theme song.

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Man on super-healthy diet doing incredibly strange shits

A MAN has discovered that going on an extreme diet to improve his health has the side effect of making him produce unbelievably weird shits.

Since embarking on a vegan raw food keto diet in a bid to get back into shape after Christmas, Jack Browne’s bowel movements have become frightening and unpredictable.

Browne said: “Smell, texture, colour, it’s all horrific. And freakishly different every time. Treacle toffee one visit and chicken korma the next.

“At one stage I didn’t go for six whole days, and then suddenly went nine times in 24 hours. Thank god I’m still working from home or I’d have been given a verbal warning for skiving.

“I thought losing weight in this way would give me more confidence and help me meet someone, but the one time I did go on a date she thought a sewage pipe had burst in the road outside. When it was in fact me.

“So I’m giving it up. Returning to eating crap may affect my health, shorten my lifespan and harm the planet, but at least I’ll be back to what’s normal: one big, painful log every three-to-five days.”