Crowd at under 18s night far more pissed than at adult gig

THE crowd at an under 18s ‘dry bar’ gig was much drunker than at an equivalent adult event, it has emerged.

The ‘local metal bands’ event at Fun Hut nightclub in Yeovil admitted younger teenagers on the basis that alcohol would not be sold at the bar, as if this would somehow stop them getting drunk outside the gig.

15-year-old Nathan Muir said: “They weren’t serving alcohol in the club which meant we couldn’t pay £4 for a pint.

But what we could do is buy four litres of much stronger cider in the supermarket down the street and drink that before we went in. We were more pissed than the bands were.

“At least one of my social circle will be getting their stomach pumped tonight.”

Professor Henry Brubaker said, “If you don’t want kids to get drunk at a gig, just serve alcohol.

They’ll never be able to afford to get drunk but they’ll all want to look grown up by actually buying drinks instead of smuggling it in. Just like grown ups do.”

The event also resulted in 14 unwanted teenage pregnancies, 12 headbanging related neck injuries and nine drunken claims of ‘that band will be opening for our band one day’.