Dad being weirdly possessive over Kate Bush

A MAN whose son got into ‘Running Up That Hill’ after hearing it on Stranger Things is being weirdly possessive over having heard of Kate Bush first.

Tom Logan, 49, has been both oddly defensive and unpleasantly patronising ever since his son Oliver started enthusing over what Tom claims is his ‘favourite artist of all time’.

Oliver Logan, 16, said: “Dad heard me playing Kate Bush on Spotify and at first seemed excited that I like something he likes, because normally he listens to shit old people music like Oasis.

“But the more I listened, the weirder he got. He kept saying things like ‘I bought this on cassette from Woolworths when it came out in 1985’ and ‘Well, this is one of her more accessible tracks, but you wouldn’t like ‘Suspended in Gaffa’.

“I thought I’d get my own back by putting on Placebo’s version from 2003, but it was so hideous that we turned it off and pretended it had never happened.”

Tom Logan said: “Oliver may describe himself as a ‘superfan’ now, but we both know that if Kate was to choose which one of us to marry it would definitely be me.”

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How to feel edgy and cool at your nice, well-organised, middle-class festival

BOOKED a fancy festival? Convinced you’re the party animal of 20 years ago even though you’re sipping a Singapore sling in the poetry tent? Rock it like this: 

Wear embarrassing headgear

Most days you dress like the token older contestant on The Apprentice. But fluff up your hair and adding flowers, face glitter and a ridiculous hat and it’ll be like you don’t drive a Range Rover Evoque. Add a beaded necklace and bang, permanent gap year!

Love camping

‘Back to nature, man,’ you tell people as you look up at the stars, not mentioning you paid the extra £450 for a glamping yurt that comes with its own waffle maker. Close to nature, miles away from the hammered teenagers stumbling all over the cheap tents.

Claim to have heard of the bands

Only big festivals can afford the Radio 2 bands, so you’re stuck claiming that you definitely bought The Magic Numbers’ first album and you’re a massive Freya Ridings fan. Nod along in recognition to every track. Murmur ‘Bit of a deep cut, that one’.

Pretend to be interested in drugs

If you wanted to, you could do drugs. Anyone could have offered you drugs. They probably did but you’re wearing bifocals so didn’t realise. And you’d take them, even though the most anyone in your social circle is carrying is ibuprofen gel for their dodgy hip.

Shrug off the queue for the toilets

Real free spirits don’t care if they get a UTI or aching guts from festival food. Do what any true hippy would and pee in the grass, to prove you’re above all that square rule-abiding hygiene bollocks. Buy the wristband to use the fancy showers the morning after.

Dance overexuberantly

To prove you’re young, mosh hard to every band. That includes the acoustic set at 2pm when you’re next to a picnicking family feeding twin toddlers. The harder you jump, the more of a legend you’ll be, definitely not like your mum pissed at a wedding.