Five music videos Gen Z aren't ready to discover

YOUNG people are more protected against sexist, racist and generally horrid content now. Which means if they watched these music videos they’d probably have to go to A&E.

Call On Me

The early Noughties were a different country. Back then you could broadcast three minutes of sweaty, spandex-clad models doing exercise porn and everyone accepted it for the blatant attempt to drive sales to teenage boys that it was. In a post #MeToo world though, Zoomers would consider its male gaze tantamount to a war crime.

Another Brick in the Wall

Today’s youth wasn’t subjected to the corporal punishment of 1970s schooling, so the message and disturbing imagery of this Pink Floyd classic will go right over their heads. Worst of all, footage of children with deformed faces being fed into a meat grinder doesn’t have an amusing dance they can imitate on TikTok and the casting isn’t very diverse.

Money For Nothing

Young people have high expectations of visual effects now, and even Avengers: Endgame looks embarrassingly out of date to them. The blocky graphics in this Dire Straits banger would be a horrific assault on their senses, never mind the controversial lyrics written from an arsehole’s perspective. Getting ‘your chicks for free’ is both sexist and devalues sex workers.

Smack My Bitch Up

The Prodigy’s first-person video was banned by MTV back in the day, so glimpsing even a second of it will cause a Zoomer’s brain to liquify and dribble out of their ears. Not because it depicts a wild night out of aggressive debauchery, but because of the twist ending which reveals it was a woman who committed these problematic deeds. 

Somebody to Love

Not the original song by The Great Society, the 2003 remix by Boogie Pimps. Audiences at the time knew that the video, which featured babies skydiving towards buxom model Natasha Mealey writhing around in lingerie, was a clever satire of… something, but this imagery would give the average Gen Zer multiple heart attacks. If you’ve ever watched it, consider yourself cancelled.

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Why Jacinda Ardern was a beacon of hope to the liberal world, by a Guardian reader who doesn't know that much about her

By Nathan Muir

LIKE the whole liberal world that paid no attention to New Zealand until liking the look of Ardern from the stories they skimmed, I have lost a heroine today.

From her style to her speeches to her forthright viral clips, there was nothing that wasn’t great about Ardern. She kept her country Covid-safe, she presumably did other things, she was brilliant.

And now? Her pathetic countrymen, who were threatening not to vote for her despite the fact I’ve never even heard of any other candidates, have worn her down. The Thinking Person’s Progressive Princess has resigned.

How? How could they take her from us? Take away our dream of saying ‘I may emigrate to New Zealand, under Jacinda it is an earthly paradise’ at dinner parties?

No, I don’t know any specifics of her policies. That’s not the point. They were undoubtedly brilliant, though perhaps too far-reaching and visionary for a jealous, carping few, probably white men.

Who will I follow now? Jacinda wasn’t a false hope, like Justin Trudeau or Hugo Chavez or the Iceland lesbian woman whose name escapes me. Jacinda was the real deal.

Sanna Marin? Too attractive for my motives to remain pure. That new Brazilian one? Hasn’t been inspirational on Twitter. Did socialists win in Spain recently or was that a while ago?

No, there will never be another Ardern, the first New Zealand politician I’ve ever heard of and the last. I shall now dismiss their pissant little country entirely.