Making a Spotify playlist for your beloved? Avoid these tunes which will demonstrate you’re a terrible listener:
Every Breath You Take – The Police
Debunked as the voyeuristic ramblings of an obsessive stalker years ago, this still inexplicably retains its status as a love song. If the listener purposefully tunes out every line about clingy behaviour and focusses solely on ‘I long for your embrace’ they may be able to kid themselves Sting doesn’t sound victim to several overlapping restraining orders.
God Only Knows – The Beach Boys
Though it gives the impression of being a charming love song, a close listen quickly reveals that it’s actually about a relationship soon to be crushed under the weight of the singer’s toxic co-dependency. Will make the object of your affection run a mile and get into casual sex.
My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion
My Heart Will Go On is about love lasting forever, right? It’s deeply romantic. Well, yes, until you remember that it’s actually about love continuing after someone has died and cast forever to the floor of the freezing Atlantic. Not appropriate for the honeymoon phase of your new relationship.
Don’t Marry Her – The Beautiful South
‘The Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay’ is a beautiful image, and because it’s the first line of the chorus it’ll distract the attention-deficient from the adulterous thrust of the song. Don’t be surprised if the title alone sends your beau into a paranoid tailspin.
With or Without You – U2
The music is full of passion and yearning but with lines such as ‘My hands are tied, my body bruised’, this track is far too dark to sit neatly alongside Robson & Jerome’s version of Unchained Melody. Giving the impression that you’re a brooding psychopath is not the path to true love, except in movies.