Man thinks women dress to impress men and not other women

A MAN thinks women dress up for his benefit, not to garner praise and approval from other women.

Tom Logan, who exclusively wears hoodies and jeans, believes that female friends and colleagues select outfits, add accessories and put on make up to solely to impress men like him.

Logan said: “Women put a lot of effort into dressing up so us blokes will look at them and want to have sex with them. That’s how the world works, right?

“Although sometimes I don’t think they look that good. Like with those maxi dresses that cover them from neck to toe. That’s not sexy to me.

“I’ve tried telling them but for some reason they get really angry. Probably because they’re upset I don’t fancy them.”

Colleague Charlotte Phelps said: “Tom doesn’t understand that women buy nice clothes because we like them and other women will like them, rather than because we give a shit about his opinion.

“He thinks the height of sartorial elegance is washing his trousers once a month. I doubt he could name any fashion icons from the last few decades.”

Logan added: “Yes I can. Jeremy Clarkson.”


Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

I'm the Portugal of the UK, Great Yarmouth tells holidaymakers

GREAT Yarmouth is practically an identical substitute for the sunny beaches of Portugal, it has told dejected UK holidaymakers.

With Portugal now on the amber list, the Norfolk seaside resort town has wasted no time in reminding Brits that its tacky, partially derelict seafront is just as good, if not better, than the stunning coastline of the Algarve.

Great Yarmouth said: “I know you’re all sad you can’t jet off to the continent, but I think you’ll find me to be a hidden gem that’s like having a little taste of Portugal right on your doorstep.

“People have tried to keep my charms under wraps by posting thousands of negative reviews on TripAdvisor, but that’s only because they want to keep the oases of Gorleston-on-Sea and Hemsby beach to themselves.

“I’m afraid Portugal can’t compete with my world-class amusement arcades. It’s noted for its grilled sardines and other seafood delicacies, but I think we’d all prefer a nice greasy saveloy from one of my many chip shops.

“Visit for yourself and you’ll see that I’m not dilapidated, just well-loved. That’s if you even get the chance to notice my decrepitude with all the fun you’ll be having at the Time and Tide Museum. It’s got old ships’ steering wheels and wicker baskets.”

The former hub of Britain’s herring industry added: “What’s Lisbon got? Just impressive landmarks like Belém Tower. I used to have the world’s worst waxworks museum.”