Friend wants to know what you really, honestly think of his band

A FRIEND wants to know if you really believe his mediocre covers band could ‘make it’.

38-year-old Tom Booker formed Lizard Kings 12 years ago, performing solid but workmanlike rock covers and a few deeply average songs of their own.

He said: “Sometimes I feel like you guys don’t think I can make a career of this.

“But I’m not 40 yet, not for 17 months goddamn it, and we’re getting rave reviews in the local paper who described us as ‘energetic’ and ‘generally solid’.

“Once we’ve got the new drummer bedded in, things are really going to start happening. He believes in the band because he’s going to stay on benefits instead of getting a job.

“We’re already booked to do a four-date tour of Worcestershire in May, so there is no plan B.

“Even so, if you said ‘sorry Tom, I love you but I don’t think this is a goer’, I would probably not devote the remainder of my life to it.”

After getting a dishonest answer, Booker went back to wasting his life.

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Vinyl sales overtake sales of food

MORE vinyl albums are being sold than food, because owning records is more important than eating.

UK consumers spent £98 billion on vinyl this year, buying albums by Foo Fighters, Led Zeppelin and Yngwie Malmsteen to proudly display in their homes, while food spending plummeted. 

Supermarkets are now allotting up to 90 per cent of shelf space to classic vinyl, while food is relegated to a small specialist area hidden away at the rear. 

Nathan Muir of the Vinyl Society said: “Food provides energy, I suppose, but you only need that to actually put records on the turntable. 

“I get all the sustenance I need just gazing at these marvellous sleeves; Bowie’s Blackstar, the Mac’s Rumours, The Wombles’ Superwombling. Ah, so nourishing. 

“I do feel a terrible gnawing inside, like my body is slowly devouring itself, but that’s just because I discovered the soundtrack to Halloween III was issued on ‘blood-speckled’ 180 gram vinyl in 2016 and I need it. But also food. But I’ll get the vinyl.” 

Record collector Roy Hobbs agreed: “I wish they’d get rid of air and replace it with vinyl. Everyone breathes air but vinyl makes you special.”