MUD-COVERED Glastonbury wretches have agreed it is best if the festival is held in a big sports hall from now on.
Organiser Michael Eavis has provisionally booked Pilton Sports & Leisure Centre for June 21st to 25th 2017, citing its roof, sprung wooden floors and refreshment facilities as reasons it will be a clear improvement.
Glastonbury veteran Tom Booker said: “This morning, as my welly was sucked from my foot by a bubbling, foetid pool of human waste, I asked myself: what sin would I be committing if I listened to this in a room with a ceiling?
“What has rock ’n’ roll got against ceilings?
“A farm is a bloody ridiculous place to listen to music. At least the cows get to stay in a barn for the three days. I yearn for a barn.”
Eavis said: “One time in 1970, after a spliff, I looked out at my back garden and thought ‘You know, T. Rex should play there’.
“It’s not my fault people agreed with me. I don’t know why they did.”