Saturday, 18th January 2020

Grown woman obsessed with Disney told to get a grip

A 36-YEAR-OLD woman who is obsessed with Disney films should take a long hard look at herself, a friend believes.

Eleanor Shaw was traumatised by the controversy over the Little Mermaid being played by a black actor, although this is not particularly weirder than having seen The Lion King 53 times.

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “It’s very strange to witness a grown woman having a meltdown because she finds out you’ve never watched Aladdin.

“Eleanor only watches Disney films, saying they’re ‘cute’, ‘fun’ and ‘magical’, and enjoys them totally non-ironically, even though she’s a qualified solicitor and an actual human adult.

“She was very upset about the Little Mermaid because she was originally white and therefore the new film won’t be ‘realistic’. I pointed out that if she wanted it to be realistic they’d have to cast an actual f*cking mermaid. 

“She wants me to go on holiday to Disney World with her, but I’m worried we’ll get arrested if she tries to get off with Donald Duck.”

Shaw said: “I’m not weird about Disney. It’s just that when I die I want my ashes to be scattered at Cinderella Castle. Or Space Mountain.”