If Chris Rea wished to be known for his other work, he chose an inopportune time to leave us

CHRIS Rea, the Middlesbrough-born singer-songwriter who wanted to be known for his more serious work, has departed this life at exactly the wrong time for that. 

The husky-voiced singer, born in 1951, always hoped to be recognised for his blues songs and slide-guitar playing which there would have been a better chance of had he not passed away on December 22nd.

Losing him in June, while still tragic, would have meant radio stations playing his songs On The Beach or Auberge, sunny tracks evoking Mediterranean holidays and long, lazy nights.

His number one hit The Road To Hell, a prescient track evoking dystopian futures, would come to mind. It would not be inappropriate to play that in September. It is now.

Unfortunately, Rea’s passing came in the very month which a different hit of his, one not particularly representative of the musical path he chose to follow, has been played in saturation. We have heard it in every shopping centre, on every playlist.

It is impossible, therefore, for any of us to immediately associate Rea with anything other than that. Indeed, a text from your most banter-focused mate with the most obvious joke possible is probably how you found out.

Rest in peace, Chris Rea. The coincidence was untimely but real.

And a word of advice to Mariah Carey: if you wish to be remembered for your many diamond albums, for the best-selling songs of the 90s and 00s respectively, for inventing the hip hop remix with Fantasy? Try to pass on in summer.

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'Our summer highlight was John getting a suspended sentence': A Christmas round robin from a rough family

DEAR all, where to begin? Another super busy year has flown by, and like all meaningful years it was defined primarily by interactions with the criminal justice system.

Forgive the humblebrag, but the key moment for us was John’s sentencing which meant he was out on time served. That moment outside HMP Oakwood when we were reunited is on the front of this very card! I added the choir of angels and tinsel with AI.

He’s now back in the bosom of his family, much more tolerant of homosexuality and looking for work, if anyone knows of any good van driving jobs.

Ideally with flexible hours, flexible background checks and a manager who understands that things do go missing and it doesn’t have to be anybody’s fault. He has a proven track record of driving safely at high speeds and can fake any necessary reference.

He’s not the only one who’s had a big year. Shai, now 13, has beaten his older sister’s for detentions and been handed a prestigious Behavioural Record by the headteacher. It’s laminated and we’re told it will follow him for the rest of his academic life, quite an honour!

And elder half-brother Kai hasn’t been left behind academically. He’s been admitted to the University of Woodfordshire, a former polytechnic and former former kennels, to read Sports Science, though at time of writing he’s not sure which of the two he’ll be studying.

We’re chuffed – it was an intense summer, what with A-level and paternity test results. Three Bs and not the father, just like he wanted.

But it’s not all work work work! In September, instead of school, we took the kids for the traditional month in Benidorm visiting John’s old colleagues to sip sangria, dance on the beach and test the limits of the European Arrest Warrant.

Closer to home, family gatherings remain as warm and harmonious as ever and if you need a witness to that, the police usually get called!

Christmas arguments are already scheduled, with topics including whether Kai is actually a student, why there’s four grand in cash under his bed and what benzodiazipines are. As we head into the New Year, we feel hopeful and blessed.

From our family to yours, have a wonderful Christmas, a peaceful New Year and may the law smile on you as it has us. Seasons Greetings!