Man’s library consists entirely of books off the telly

A MAN’S interest in literature is limited to  tie-ins with TV programmes.

Roy Hobbs only owns books like The Countryfile Handbook, Doc Martin novels and a humorous companion to Have I Got News for You? not written by any of the people on it.

Hobbs said: “A good book can transport you to a completely different place, like last night when I was reading James May’s Amazing World of Trucks.

“I’ve got quite varied taste in books. Detective shows, cookery shows, light entertainment – I’ll read about any of those as long as I’m familiar with the basic concept from the telly.

“I’ve tried some of the ‘proper’ writers like Dostoyevsky, but Crime and Punishment was garbage compared to Nigel Slater’s Warming Winter Suppers.

“The best thing I’ve read recently was The Strictly Come Dancing Book 2015. It’s a really gripping account of a pro-celebrity dance competition, full of memorable characters like Jeremy Vine and Carol Kirkwood.”

He added: “I’m a big fan of the screenwriter Jane Austen, but her novelisation of Pride and Prejudice was a bit wordy. TV’s really her medium, but she could always go on a book-writing course.”

Hobbs has also acquired a number of rare TV books, including Gambler’s Bluff, an out-of-print spin-off novel based on the 1985 series Dempsey and Makepeace.

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Ask Holly: I've been married to Catherine Zeta Jones for 15 years, please help me

Dear Holly,

I’ve been married to Catherine Zeta Jones for 15 years. Please help me.


Los Angeles

Dear Michael,

When I grow up I’m going to marry Beyonce because my teacher says ladies are allowed to marry other ladies now. I’d choose Beyonce because she’s got loads of sparkly things I could borrow and we could do loads of mental dancing in the living room and make Jay-Z do stuff for us like go to Asda and buy us Toffee Crisps and clean all of Beyonce’s hair out of the plug hole and do the washing up and press play on our Charlie and Lola DVD so we can just lie there eating sweets. That would be marital bliss.

Hope that helps,