Men claiming to have attended disastrous music festivals to impress girls

THE best way to impress girls is to claim to have survived one of Britain’s many completely disastrous music festivals, men believe. 

Across Britain, men are dazzling whole bars full of girls with grim tales of how they crawled, using a collapsed tent for cover, through 13 miles of mud to escape Derbyshire’s Y Not festival.

Nathan Muir of Harrogate said: “They’re lapping it up.

“The bit where I burst into tears after admitting I never even saw the headliners because I was saving my best friend from a flash flood, I swear that got me three phone numbers.

“When I then claimed to have been at Liverpool’s Hope & Glory, and because of overcrowding had no choice but to watch The Fratellis’ full set causing me long-term psychological damage, wow. I think I could have had them all at once.”

18-year-old Nikki Hollis said: “Tell us again how you faked being a Craig David roadie to get backstage to save a woman’s life.

“I’m never going to one. I’d die.”