'Name one Joy Division song!' shouts man at 12-year-old girl wearing band t-shirt

A MIDDLE-AGED Joy Division fan has publicly shamed a pre-teen girl for wearing a t-shirt featuring their iconic 1979 album Unknown Pleasures.

Tom Logan was incensed when he spotted Ellie Shaw looking in the window of Foot Locker in a shopping centre. Immediately sensing that she was bogus and probably fake, the 48-year-old man bravely decided to confront her.

Logan said: “I was astonished to see other shoppers simply pass her by and look the other way. Somebody had to do something.

“I strode up to her and said: ‘Joy Division? Seriously? Unknown Pleasures? Can you name a single track off the album?’

“A true Joy Division fan would have rattled off She’s Lost Control, New Dawn Fades or Shadowplay but instead she just stared at me, confused and frightened. Thank God I was able to expose her ignorance to the world.

“I can’t believe a teenage girl would wear a t-shirt purely as a fashion statement. Is this what Joy Division vocalist Ian Curtis hanged himself for?

“Those are the exact words I said to her.

“What disgusts me most is that after I had the courage to take her on, no fellow shoppers came to my aid. In fact, a few of them looked sympathetic to the girl, the fake plastic fraud.

“It’s a sick world. Ian Curtis is better off out of it.”

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Things you can't be expected to do because it's Friday

IS life making unreasonable demands of you today? It’s Friday, so you’re allowed to get out of these incredibly stupid so-called ‘responsibilities’.

Getting out of bed

You’re joking, right? You’ve already lurched out of bed relatively early four times this week, and not once has it ended well. There must be some law somewhere that states you’re entitled to remain in bed for the duration of Friday on company pay. It’s not like you’d be productive if you headed into the office anyway. Because it’s Friday.

Looking presentable

Nope, not gonna happen. By the end of the week everyone looks like a beleaguered, dishevelled mess with scraggly hair and unruly stubble, regardless of their gender. Why else do you think dress-down Fridays were invented? There’s safety in numbers, and if everyone looks like a character in a TV movie about alcoholism then nobody will notice.

Going to work

F**k off with that. Although, in the spirit of compromise and needing to pay your bills, you will go to work physically. From nine until five you will remain propped up in front of your computer while your mind daydreams about the epic lie-in you’re going to have tomorrow. Also, UK employment law states you cannot be sacked for spending most of Friday eating donuts and finding funny things on the internet, although we’d check that.

Making small talk

No, just no. Grindingly tedious chat about the weird dream someone’s partner had last night or their f**king loft conversion is impossible to tolerate when you’re this close to the weekend. Get out of it by saying you’ve got an agonising migraine and slipping on noise-cancelling headphones. Consider extending this life-changing ailment to the other four days of the week.

Remaining sober

As if. Fridays offer you maximum recovery time, so you’d be stupid not to make the most of this alcohol abuse opportunity. Start your Friday with beers at lunch – or at least be in the pub by 4.45pm sharp – or a few cans if you’re homeworking, and within hours you’ll be so drunk you’ve forgotten what day of the week it is anyway. By the time you sober up it’ll be Saturday, and you bloody love Saturdays.