ALL creative works must now be based on something else, it has been announced.“A new/old/dark/light spin on the Batman universe”
After the success of the Batman spin-off Gotham, media companies have successfully lobbied the government to ban anything that involves financial or creative risk.
Writers may only create new characters if they end up getting eaten by zombies.
Film director Stephen Malley said: Box office takings clearly show that the public dislikes new things and prefers retreads of ideas they are already familiar with, or even bored by.
Another problem with original ideas is that highly paid creative people could injure their brains trying to think things up.
Currently Im working on yet another reboot of the origin story of Magneto from X-Men with slightly different camera angles.
Im also very excited by my upcoming film Star Wars Part IV: Part II, which retells the story from the point of view of the trumpeter in the cantina band.
TV critic Donna Sheridan said: This is a very exciting time to be a fan of totally derivative ideas.
This weekend Im going to settle down with Still Open All Fucking Hours and the box set of Smallville: A Different Farm To The One Where Superman Lives.