OWLS have demanded to be recognised as wild, majestic creatures rather than key workers in a fantasy post office.
Protesting outside the new Harry Potter play, owls have expressed their dissatisfaction at still being pigeonholed as semi-skilled delivery operatives in the world of a child wizard.
Tawny owl Tom Booker said: “As a fascinating and mysterious raptor, I find it very frustrating to be relegated to the role of a postman in this populist nonsense.
“Shakespeare used owls to foreshadow death in Macbeth and Julius Ceaser, you know.
“I can even get on board with the Owl in Winnie the Pooh, because even though he was a bit of an arse, he was at least respected by everyone who lived in the 100 Acre Wood.
“It’s almost as if JK Rowling has got it in for us, for some reason. I find her prose turgid and flat, but I’d never suggest she become a cleaner instead.
“She just doesn’t respect us and our capabilities. I’d like to see her try and turn her head 270 degrees, that’s all I’m saying.”