LEAD singers already get all the attention without the need for headwear. These six bands cannot be appreciated musically because of a hat:
The irrefutable chief of distracting head nonsense is Jay Kay, lead singer of 90s eco-funksters Jamiroquai. Despite the catchiness of their tunes, his many hits, and his car-loving Top-Gear-dad appeal, all that anyone remembers about the prick is his needlessly massive band-obscuring hats. They will be his only legacy.
Curiosity Killed The Cat
Rivals to Bros in the 1980s, they flamed out after the world noticed lead singer Ben Volpeliere-Pierrot’s Lego-like hat. Experts believe it is not a conventional beret, which would be bad enough, but a Greek fisherman’s hat perched on backwards. Combined with his dance style and fancy name it was enough to see them deliberately forgotten.
Upon hearing the music of the legendary rockers you’d assume Brian Johnson to be of classic rock stock: a youthful, head-banging, dynamic attention-magnet wearing no hat. The cloth-cap wearing bloke that knows your dad from the allotments and visits the pub on a Friday night with a meat tray comes as an unwelcome surprise.
Badly Drawn Boy
Mancunian singer-songwriter with a number of great songs you’d love to hear, until you remember which one he is. The one who always, without exception, wears a Benny-from-Crossroads woolly hat. And once you remember the hat the hat’s all you can remember, until you turn off the album by the singing hat.
Fred Durst loved a baseball hat: whether right way round to obscure his piercings and goatee, or backwards to let us see the full glory. It was a welcome distraction from his band’s nu-metal and made him the face of the entire scene. Which was a scene widely hated both then and since, not least because of that twat in the baseball hat.
Guns N’ Roses
Slash’s top hat and perpetually smouldering cigarette were cool, but Axl? Frequently wore a bandana, or even more than one, and then put a baseball hat over the top. Why? What possible reason could there be for wearing so many head coverings? What level of drug use causes a man to look in the mirror and think ‘You know what? I can rock a third hat’?