Six misheard song lyrics way better than the originals

EVER discovered you’ve been singing a song wrong and thought, wait, my version was better? These lyrics are vastly improved by being misheard: 

‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy’ – Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix

The founding father of misheard mumbling, this mishearing turns a confusing song about tripping on acid into one where Hendrix politely excuses himself from conversation to briefly experiment with his sexuality. In short, it transforms standard wanky rock into an etiquette-conscious gay anthem. Transgressive and superior.

‘Kickin’ the dancing queen’ – Dancing Queen by ABBA

The world’s greatest disco Swedes were less great at enunciating, and nobody had earnestly claimed to ‘dig’ something since Ted Heath was in office. And when you consider the titular queen had brought a tambourine to the club, it makes all the more sense that Agnetha and Anni-Frid would want to kick shit out of this smug 17-year-old.

‘It’s gonna be May’ – It’s Gonna Be Me by *NSYNC

Nineties boyband *NSYNC are best remembered for not being the Backstreet Boys, so lucky for them that this song gets memed every April and they can rake in the royalties. It’s more memorable and makes more sense in context, where Justin and the gang are telling a woman when she’s going to love somebody again. Late spring. Get it in the diary.

‘All the lonely Starbucks lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane’ – Blank Space by Taylor Swift

It’s not that farfetched to imagine that Swift would attack Starbucks. Her feuds with Kanye West, streaming services and record labels have laid the groundwork for her to beef with an international coffee chain by painting a vivid picture of the frappuccino-addicted loser customers who dare question her sanity.

‘Tiramisu, like the deserts miss the rain’ – Missing by Everything But The Girl

Fancy Italian booze-soaked desserts were big in the 90s and this song sold a million of them. And is the layer where the sponge meets the creamy bit not unlike when desert meets rain?

‘Wrapped up like a douche’ – Blinded by the Light by Manfred Mann’s Earth Band

Originally a Springsteen song, this is stream-of-consciousness nonsense written with a rhyming dictionary. Why not use your platform to bring attention to feminine hygiene products? It’s time Manfred and Bruce embraced their position as vagina-cleanliness spokespeople.

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Boyfriend's late-night Naked Attraction gamble rewarded with endless parade of cocks

A MAN who put Naked Attraction on in the hope of seeing some sexy ladies has instead spent an hour watching cock after cock after cock. 

Ryan Whittaker saw the Channel 4 show was on and gambled that he could not only see naked women in a socially acceptable way with his girlfriend right beside him, it might even inspire a midweek shag.

He said: “It was a Tuesday night, nothing was happening, I thought why not take the risk? Then I found out.

“I was only hoping to ogle a few random women before bed but they unveiled all of these cocks, one after another. And I had to pretend I was cool with it without seeming like I’d turned over for the cocks.

“Meanwhile Sophie seemed to be taking more of an interest, though I think she was more into me squirming uncomfortably than all the flaccid penises. I started making remarks about the more unusually-shaped ones but that only made it all more awkward.

“I tried to wait it out until there was at least some fanny but I only reached the second ad-break before I irritably turned it off and went to bed, dangling dicks dancing through my head. Won’t be trying that again.”

Girlfriend Sophie Rodriguez said: “Yeah, it was pretty much cock city. Even I was ready for a pair of tits by the end.”