THE BBC is changing the name of flagship nature show Springwatch to Vole Love Island to appeal to a younger, sexier demographic.
The move is an attempt to fill the gap in the market left by the suspension of Love Island with a similar collection of rutting beasts, but unwaxed.
A spokesman said: “Chris Packham will be replaced by breathless commentary from Maya Jama and all the voles will be given names like Brigg, Finn and Tilly-Lea.
“We’ll follow them in their burrows and out in the hedgerows as they couple up, fight and mate. They’ll be given little thimbles of prosecco to keep them frenzied.
“Will September have a litter with Maxim, or is she tempted by Tony? What will Max’s ex Diamond, a former nightclub dancer for shrews, have to say about that? Sparks are going to fly!”
The strategy is part of a larger initiative across the corporation to steal competitors’ market share by rebranding, with other shows including Naked Bargain Hunt and The Masked Antiques Roadshow on Ice.
But former presenter Chris Packham said: “They’ve f**ked this right up. Voles mate for life. Should have gone for deer mice. They shag anything.”