Streaming perfectly recreates experience of choosing sh*t film in Blockbuster

STREAMING services have digitally simulated standing in Blockbuster for 40 minutes before choosing something crap, viewers have confirmed. 

Online streaming libraries boast millions of films, many of which are award-winning fan favourites but still capture that video-shop ennui, frustration and resignation that you will inevitably make the wrong choice.

Helen Archer said: “It’s incredible how, from the comfort of your own home, you can be transported to the flickering strip-lights of a video shop in 2005.

“Aimlessly flicking through the same painful selection before remembering that you really wanted to see something and then finding out it’s not available. They’ve thought of it all.

“Browsing Netflix then Amazon then Google Play and seeing the same choices over and over again, interspersed with all those deeply suspicious movies with a great cast that you’ve somehow never heard of – it’s like I’m there.”

Archer added: “And once I’ve selected something I know will be rubbish, I make myself some horrible microwave popcorn, sit back and regret my decision just like in the old days.”

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Woman tips hairdresser, leaves salon, goes around corner and bursts into tears

A WOMAN has thanked her hairdresser, paid, tipped, walked away with a cheerful wave and the moment she was out of sight burst into tears. 

Joanna Kramer had asked for a couple of cautious inches off the length, some weight taking out and caramel highlights, but to her horror now has an asymmetric cinnamon bob with a mauve streak.

She said: “I was initially immersed in reading some old copies of Now! so I didn’t realise how wrong it was going until I saw the asymmetrical layers.

“I looked up in shock but the hairdresser thought I was reacting to her story about her cousin’s wedding, and I didn’t feel like I could stop the flow to mention that I now hated the whole of my head and, by extension, my entire self.

“It was all I could do to keep composed when she took the foils off. I hoped she might save it with styling, but at the end when she was orbiting my head with the little mirror I was almost welling up.

“Obviously I smiled, said it was great and left a generous tip. I can cry once I’ve turned this corner.”