Two and a Half Men 'shit'

PEOPLE who saw Two and a Half Men last night have said it was ‘shit’.

The people, who earn on average about £32,000 a year, spoke out after not finding religion in any way.

One of the people said: “There is quite a lot of sexual content but that does not make it any less shit.”

Another one of the people said: “It was shit when Charlie Sheen was in it and it’s shit now.”



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Nigel Farage 'just a comic creation that got out of hand'

‘NIGEL Farage’ is a fictional parody of a raving idiot, it has emerged.

Farage’s real identity is that of alternative comedian Wayne Hayes, who began performing the character of right-wing buffoon Nigel Twatley Farrago O’Drivel in 1986.

After years of struggle on the stand-up circuit, Hayes as the now-refined ‘Nigel Farage’ was booked for a function at the Dorchester Conservative Club. But instead of laughing at his foghorn-voiced bletherings, the audience responded with thunderous applause.

Hayes said: “My agent recommended I join UKIP as a stunt. So I went along to their conference and did my turn.

“I thought I’d really ratchet up the nonsense – ‘We, the roast beef of England will not be dictated to by Brussels sprouts.’ They lapped it up.”

After a lucrative run of gigs, Hayes decided it was time to kill off Nigel Farage and staged a plane crash. However, such was the outpouring of concern that he felt obliged to have the character recover with minor injuries.

Hayes said: “I feel a responsibility to my thousands of fans. Plus, I don’t know what they might do if they found out ‘Nigel Farage’ was a spoof – beat me to death with a garden hoe, or something. They’re all completely insane.

“Now I’m on Question Time nearly every month. It’s more regular than stand up plus they give you wine and sandwiches.”