BRITAIN came a proud second after Ukraine in Eurovision after being recognised as the next most f**ked country in the competition.
Ukraine’s Kalush Orchestra deservedly took the top prize because their country has been invaded by Russia, but the UK’s Sam Ryder came in second because of the terrible damage his country is inflicting on itself.
Swedish voter Anders Haggkvist said: “Eurovision is political as well as musical, so Ukraine came first this year no question. But this does not mean we do not feel sad for Britain.
“You have energy costs spiralling, you have all the crippling effects of Brexit, you suffered so much more from Covid and you have this man in charge who is effectively a natural disaster.
“It is terrible to see and we are unable to help. So we used the Eurovision vote to say to the people of the UK, stand tall. Stand strong. One day your nightmare will be over and you will be free.
“The act? He was not on stilts or dressed as a disco cow and his song was not about holding a naked shaving party with your buddies and had no great lyrics like ‘gling-glanga-glong’, so I cannot say it was second place on merit.
“But that’s Britain for you. They know nothing about good music.”