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Wicked: For Good perfectly syncs with The Wizard of Oz, claims stoner

A HABITUAL smoker of cannabis has claimed if you begin Wicked: For Good and The Wizard of Oz at the same time, the pair match up perfectly. 

Jordan Gardner, aged 28, discovered the incredible synchronicity by accident when he had forgotten he had started the Ariana Grande musical on his dodgy Fire Stick and began watching the 1939 classic on his phone.

He explained: “My short-term memory’s going lately. Yesterday I was halfway through a bong when I saw I already had a spliff on the go.

“Anyway, I started playing them simultaneously and honestly, they synchronise point-for-point. Tin man’s in one film? Tin man’s in the other film. Witch in one? Witch in the other. Shit song? Shit song. It’s eerie.

“Nobody would have spotted that except through a THC haze, so this is another multimillion dollar blockbuster made purely for stoners, like Cats.

“Word to the wise, though, the music grates. Mute both and put on a classic prog rock album instead. I went for Pink Floyd’s Meddle.”

In December Gardner will make another groundbreaking cinematic discovery when he discovers Avatar: Fire and Ash syncs up with both previous Avatar films beat-for-beat.

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Pretty sure I can blame all my shite parenting on lockdown, concludes dad

A FATHER believes the Covid inquiry’s verdict that lockdown irreparably damaged a generation of children pretty much gets him off the hook.

Nathan Muir, aged 46, decided that as his children, aged seven and nine in 2020, were among those for whom ‘ordinary childhood was brought to a halt’ and were left with ‘lasting scars’ none of their subsequent behavioural issues can be blamed on him.

He said: “Bad father and bad role model, my arse. It’s lockdown. That’s why Jed wags school to go shoplifting, because the government basically told him to.

“He was at an impressionable age, and the prime minister’s on telly telling him staying off school will save lives? That’s going to sink in. Subconsciously, he’s still playing the hero.

“And it says here that nobody was prepared for the sudden and enormous task of educating children in their homes. I certainly wasn’t, what with having no GCSEs, which is why I delegated that job to YouTube. Turns out it’s not all tuition videos on there.

“That two years off school – I didn’t bother sending them in between lockdowns, I could see which way the wind was blowing – did so much damage. I couldn’t fix it. I knew better than to even try.

“Next time the school calls me in, probably Tuesday, I’ll tell them they never learned basic arithmetic or that bullying’s wrong or how to read or punctuality or when not to swear or the UK drinking age because of lockdown. Thank God. For a moment there I blamed myself.”

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